Before the Chaos…

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It’s a Wednesday morning, I hear my kiddos stirring so I’m hurrying my morning along. Chaos will be here shortly. I know I try to share the vulnerable side of my life while also pushing the positive but sometimes it’s hard to find that positive when you’re in the middle of the storm. I love my children. I love them so fiercely that I don’t want them to ever grow up and have to face the real world. But man do they know how to cause chaos.

Last night as I cleaned up the house after my kids went to bed I looked around and said to myself that sometimes I feel like I’m buried in the middle of a mountain. I wanted to bake cookies this week for Meet the Teacher – that’s tomorrow, cookies aren’t baked. I wanted to catch up on laundry and match a giant basket full of socks and throw out all the left-over loners – the piles are growing. I wanted to go through and box up donations for my husband to take to the donation center – not done. I need to wash the baby swing so he can take it to his friend for their new baby – haven’t done it yet. I picked up random toys off the floor, swept half of the baby’s food up from under his highchair, I started the dishes with another load left in the sink. I picked up Teddy’s shirt and threw it in the wash, grabbed random socks from under the dining room table, took shoes back to the garage, and walked away from the clutter in the kitchen.

Today I’ll try again. I’ll start to declutter the kitchen and get to an item that I don’t know what to do with and I’ll freeze. I’ll start to unload the dish washer when the baby will come crawling at 100 miles an hour to play with the clean silverware – which will cause me to close the dishwasher and stop for the moment. More than likely, he’ll fuss until I pick him up. If I can get him distracted with toys I have to then sneak away and hide until he forgets I’m not there. I’ll have to hound my kids today to clean up their room and my daughter will say she’s been cleaning all day and she needs a break – she will have maybe picked up 5 things when she says this.

I’m not being negative. I’m being realistic. This is an everyday occurrence. My baby is obsessed with me. I get paralyzed when I don’t know what to do with an item or if I’m surrounded by clutter and “stuff”. I want less but that’s a discussion for another day. So where is the positive? The positive is we have enough. My kids are happy. My baby is well loved. We have dirty dishes because we have food. We have toys and mess because we have the ability to have things. My mismatched socks and piled laundry are a reminder that we have clothes. We have a messy house, but we have shelter. I’m exhausted, but I have a full life! I can remind myself of this now. I can remind myself of this before my day really starts because it’s the calm before the storm. I just need to remind myself of all this in the middle of the storm.

When four children are begging for your attention, it is hard to see the positive, to stay calm. I get overwhelmed. I have to take a moment in my room during the day. I have to get them all settled and then step away sometimes. I’m human remember. I know my limitations. I know that my kids are just being kids and when my daughter asks for watermelon while I’m making dinner and meal prepping, she doesn’t get that it’s not the right time. When my son follows me around asking for more blueberries while I’m taking a call, he doesn’t know it’s not the right time. When my son asks for his water to be filled and for another hot dog as soon as I sit down, he doesn’t understand that I would have loved for him to ask 30 seconds ago. They don’t know. We need to remember that. It’s hard. I don’t always stay calm when I’m being overloaded from every direction. Just know you’re not alone. You’ve got this.

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