I’m not OK. It’s a hard sentence to write. I’ve been struggling with a few things and those few things have turned in to more things that trigger more things. It’s a hard cycle to break.
Our new home doesn’t feel like home yet. It’s still filled with boxes that need to be gone through and it’s still begging for me to clean it. My kids have been kind of whacky with their sleep. My son who was a pretty solid sleeper who would wake at 7:00AM or later now wakes up between 4:00 and 5:00 AM and once inside my bed lasts until 6-6:30 AM. I am on a mission to try and break this cycle. I want my morning back where I can have some me time. Right now my days run from son up to daughter down. I no longer have my me time moments. My hope is that as the house becomes a home the kids will fall back into some routine and I’ll get my me time back.
With everything here not feeling like home, it makes me miss home. Michigan home. As the temperatures climb here in Texas I’m itching for some cooler temps. As my cravings increase I’m broken that even my unborn child craves the tastes of home. Soup from Koney Island or The Hut Diner, Jet’s Pizza, Happy Garden, and of course Shiro. Our next trip home can’t come soon enough.
Today I woke up before I was ready to my sweet son who didn’t seem to know what he wanted. A walk to the park, some time with the family, and my whole being is still twisted in knots. I’m not OK today, and that’s okay.
I debated on writing this, thinking I need to keep up this positive attitude. Then I reminded myself that I wanted this blog to be unapologetically me, I wanted it to be something other women, other moms, other wives could relate to. Guess what? I know you’re not always OK either. The tough thing is I don’t know what would pull me from this funk. I mean I know what might but I don’t know what is reasonable that could. Snapping my fingers for some Michigan food would certainly put a smile on my face, a day at the spa, 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, all of those may crack a smile and change my mood. However, it’s not in the cards for me right now.
A move is hard, being pregnant is hard, losing your job is hard, being with your children 24/7 is hard! We all need self care, time to ourselves, a break. I know this stretch of busy days and busy years will be over before I know it. I know I’ll long for these days when my kids are a pain for me to wake up, don’t want to snuggle, and would rather be anywhere but with me. There is a lot of change going on, a lot of unknown, and a lot of struggling. I’m trying but I’m not perfect. I’m choosing each day what I can handle for that day.
I’m not OK today, but I’m going to be okay. I know that this is just a bump in the road. A day of being off. Tomorrow I may feel the same but I know it won’t last long. Something always has a way of setting me back on track. So to anyone who is reading this today who isn’t OK, you’re not alone. It will be OK.