Carry On

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7 NIV

It’s a verse I need to write on my heart. Anxiety is a silent tide. I’ve been struggling lately to to find the surface. It hits me in waves on a Sunday night, it takes over waiting for a Wednesday meeting, and it covers my head when I warm up hot dogs because I don’t know what to cook.

I want to be the best mother, wife, friend, daughter, Christian, co-worker, sister, employee, writer, person I can be. I want to be someone who is crushing it at life. I’m sinking.

I think the most accurate way to put it is to say I’m in a funk. I’m not excited about life and that crushes me deeper. I am very blessed but I’m also going to be very raw. I feel stumped every day when it comes to feeding my children and that makes me feel like I’m failing them as a mother.

I struggle to find the right direction to swim. I’ve spread myself so thin some days that I freeze with the anxiety of what to do next. I want to slap myself! I have two amazing children, a husband that loves me, a family I was born into and a family I chose, and I feel lost. I feel like I’ve allowed myself to become a master of none.

I’m throwing myself a line. I’m committing to pulling myself out of this funk because why am I wasting time being sad? Why am I letting myself feel this anxiety? Why am I not trusting God? I need to cast my anxiety on Him because He cares for me! How awesome is that? He cares! He cares for you and He cares for me.

I’m going to do an exercise that has helped me in the past, a brain dump of all the things taking up space in my head. The anxiety of being a parent, the stress of working, the excuses I make to not work out, to not write, to not be happy. I have to choose joy. I have to choose happiness. I have to give myself grace and choose me.