My prayer list has grown longer and longer these days. Desperate prayers. Some small, some big. As I write this my eyes are heavy as the kiddos joined me in bed at 4:00 AM and were up for the day by 6:00 AM. I struggle to find the energy to even think of meals today. We are most definitely in survival mode.
Prayer is a powerful tool that I think many people need more of in their life. I know I need to pray more. I know I need to also surrender to God more than I do. Every season of life has its hardships. I think back to being a new mom, caring for my daughter by myself, crying one night because we were both tired only for my brain to blank on trying to give her a bottle. I remember the sound of her different baby items and can almost bring myself back to that time.
That season of life was hard. This one is harder for me. My kids are running around upstairs, chasing each other as I anxiously wait for tears. My son has switched from running to climbing onto my bed and flopping himself down. He did this yesterday on the tile floor and has a fat lip and a bump on his forehead to show for it. This will be the down time of my day. Soon they’ll ask to go downstairs where a pile of dishes demands my attention. It’s set to be 102 outside today so our options for play are limited by the blistering sun. I’m also less than a week away from the third trimester. This season of life is hard.
The only thing I can do in this situation is pray. Pray that my kids don’t think I’m a bad mom. Pray that I’m not failing as a wife. Pray that we make it to bedtime without too many tears. Praying for our health and the health of our family. Praying for strength when I feel like I’ve run out. Praying for peaceful sleep when our heads hit the pillows. Praying my daughter lets me rest while my son takes a nap. Praying that my husband will soon find a way to bring us back to Michigan. Praying for a healthy delivery. Praying for a child that sleeps better than my son did/does. Praying that somehow having three kids under 5 isn’t going to break me.
Praying in the car, the house, the grocery store. I believe I literally prayed for one of the carts at HEB that has the little steering wheels as it’s the only way to shop in peace with my kids. I’m tired and I am willing to bet that most of you are too. I know many of us are in a variety of seasons of our lives and they all present different challenges. Maybe your season is easier than your last or maybe it’s much harder. I encourage you to pray. Give thanks for this season. I know the days drag for me now but I’m also shocked and saddened by the fact that I will soon have a four year old. I can remember her birth like it was yesterday. I pray that God’s forgiveness is bigger than mine. I pray that today’s rough start doesn’t set us up for more struggles. I give thanks as I hear my daughter reading to my son. I smile to hear her say “Here son, I’ll read you a knew book” – she knows his name and that he’s her brother but she hears my husband call him son and so she does too.
I’m tired but boy am I blessed. Blessed in more ways than I can count. So as my eyes struggle to stay open my smile is starting to appear. My daughter is making up the words to a book she’s currently reading to my son. I’m ready for nap time that is still more than four hours away but I’m blessed. I’m blessed with wild children that are calm if even for just a second. I get through my days with prayer. I’d be lost without that. So I encourage you, wherever you are reading this, stop and pray. Always pray.